Survival Instinct: Brian Book One (Van Zant Siblings 1) Read online

  She shouted more loudly than necessary, “Help yourself, hon. I’m the only one here tonight and can’t leave the front.”

  Hawk pushed him toward the back of the store. “Mind if I help?”

  Once out of sight, Hawk pushed Brian into the changing room cubicle, then shut and locked the door. Hawk could hear the cashier humming, and his heart started pounding triple time. What was he thinking? Could he really top Brian…

  Here? Now? In a public place?

  Hawk had never been so bold in a public place. Let alone a public place in the town he lived in. Brian did this too him, making him crazy with need and braver than was probably wise. He knew he should be running and screaming, freaked out by his unnatural urges to embarrass himself. Or maybe he was tired of hiding behind a mask, not allowing himself to reveal who he was and what he desired. He didn’t know what it was about the man, but he knew two things for certain: when he was near Brian, all he could think about was fucking him; and when he thought about Brian leaving, it was too painful to think about. He was a piece of work.

  Luckily sanity kept rearing its head, reminding him they’d only just met. Reminding him that he would still have to face any of his neighbors who saw or guessed he’d become intimate with Brian long after the man left town. What did he care if Brian’s future was in Seattle?

  Smiling broadly, Brian winked and pulled off his shirt. “Guess I should actually try a few things on.”

  “No!”

  His face fell and it was a kick to Hawk’s gut that so quickly he could take Just Brian from flying in the clouds to dirt level. Brian lowed his gaze. “You’ve changed your mind about taking me with you?”

  God, Brian was as submissive a man as he’d ever met and Hawk craved him, not just his body but his mind, his devotion…his complete and utter surrender. Hawk growled and Brian jerked his gaze up but immediately dropped it again. “I’ve done nothing but think about you naked and on your knees willing to serve me for this last twelve hours or so.”

  Hawk watched Brian intently and saw the exact moment he realized Hawk’s transformation from park ranger to dominant. Brian’s pupils dilated and his lips parted in a silent gasp.

  “Strip for me, sub, eyes on mine.”

  Lifting his gaze, Brian stripped—slowly, confidently—then dropped to his knees. Only then did he again drop his gaze submissively. “I am yours to use as you desire, Sir.”

  The corners of Hawk’s mouth tipped up. “Some of what I desire may be too dark. What I want to do to you, with you, might terrify you, Just Brian.”

  Face intent, but not daring a glance up, Brian replied, “I have a safeword, Sir, and I know how to use it.”

  Hawk chuckled softly. “Stand and assume the position, facing the wall.”

  Without question or comment, Brian did as he was commanded. He faced the walls feet shoulder width apart, and pressed his palms against the wall.

  Hawk pressed his clothed body to Brian’s backside, molding against him from shoulder to ankle. He whispered against Brian’s neck. “You did that well, sub. Are you trying to impress me?”

  “Perhaps, Sir. I’ve thought only of this, us, and how I long for you to push me, help me discover my limits.”

  “We do need to discuss your hard limits at some point—if we’re going to keep doing this.” Hawk reached between his legs and found him hard. He squeezed his cock and balls together, compressing both until Brian moaned. Against his palm, Brian’s erection grew even harder. Hawk bit Brian’s shoulder, then roughly turned Brian to face him.

  “We should definitely keep doing this, Sir.” Brian’s grasped the lapel of Hawk’s jacket, pulling him nearer, and then their mouths were pressed hard together, stealing each other’s breath as their teeth and tongues collided. It was just rough enough. Hawk liked rough, but it wasn’t something he’d ever ask for. With Brian he didn’t have to ask. Brian just seemed to know what he needed.

  Asserting his dominance, Hawk wrapped his hand into Brian’s hair and pulled his head back, baring his neck. He bit down, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough that Brian hissed. “Sir! God, that’s gonna leave a mark.”

  “Will it shame you to wear my mark, Just Brian?” Hawk challenged, curious.

  “God no, Sir. I will wear every mark you give me with pride.”

  Hawk pulled back to gaze into Brian Brian’s eyes and believed every word. An electric current seemed to pass between them. White. Hot. Need. Hawk jerked Brian’s short hair harder, making his neck arch backward.

  “You like the pain, do you?” Hawk asked. “You get off on it, Just Brian? Or is it the act of being submissive does it for you?”

  “I like it. All of it. I like it too much,” Brian admitted in a whisper. “Once I believed I was addicted, needed help. Hiding from this part of myself led me to Michael. I thought I wanted normal, vanilla.”

  “Your husband wasn’t in the lifestyle?”

  “No,” Brian whispered his answer, sounding both appalled and ashamed. He closed his eyes and a tear slid down his cheek as he admitted, “I think my perverse needs drove my husband into my twin’s arms.”

  Hawk could still hear the cashier humming and considered the possibility of her coming back to check on them if they took too long and for about two seconds he worried about her coming to investigate, but then he really saw the brokenness of the man in front of him. Applying light pressure to the underside of Brian’s chin, Hawk looked deeply into Brian’s eyes and wiped a tear from his cheek with his thumb. “Michael wasn’t your dominant?”

  “No, he thought the lifestyle was a perversion. He believed I needed help.”

  Hawk narrowed his gaze. “So he knew you were a submissive before you met him?”

  “He sought out Brandon’s advice when I started experiencing erectile dysfunction, but my physician found no medical cause for the condition. Apparently my brother was only too happy to inform Michael he’d married a masochist. When Michael confronted me, it was to demand I get help.”

  Frowning deeper, Hawk claimed Brian’s mouth hungrily. “You’ve been sporting wood since regaining consciousness. You don’t need a shrink. You need a partner who understands what makes you tick.”

  Hawk bit Brian again, sinking his teeth into his pec and causing Brian to moan. Again, biting hard, hard enough to bruise, but not hard enough to break skin. “So pain does it for you?”

  Brian dropped his head back. “God, Hawk.”

  “Hawk?” He bit his other pec, harder—and didn’t release. He kept applying slow pressure.

  “Sir! I’m sorry, it’s Sir! I may come if you do that again.”

  “Mmm, that sounds like a really bad idea, coming without permission; but if you did then I’d have a really good reason to take my belt to your ass again.”

  “You don’t need a reason, Sir. I want you to take your belt to my ass. Anytime you desire to do so.”

  Brian trailed his fingers down Hawk’s shirt, reached his waistband, and started undoing his belt, button, and zipper. Pushing his hand deep within the fabric, he cupped Hawk’s balls, squeezed hard and then a little harder. “Do you like pain, Sir?”

  Hawk didn’t want to admit it, but the truth of the answer was evident. “Maybe a little.”

  “Will you allow me to give you pain sometimes, Sir?”

  Hawk exhaled slowly and tried to keep his face neutral. “I’m no switch.”

  “No Sir, of course not, Sir. I meant no offense.”

  Hawk looked at Brian thoughtfully, seeing remorse and maybe a little panic. He needed to know about the dynamic he shared with his past dominant. He also needed to know more about what had gone wrong in his marriage. It was evident he had great strength. At moments he was downright alpha male, but the other bits of him had taken a beating somewhere along the line, making him doubt his own desirability. Hawk stroked his cheek. “You have good instincts, Just Brian. Don’t ever doubt your gut. You read me right, but it is a personality trait I struggle with. Admitting that I do somet
imes like pain is hard for me to do, but I have a need to prove I can take whatever I to dish out. Whether I can allow you to help me express that side of myself and expose my need to you is a question for another day.”

  Brian lowered his gaze. “I’m here to serve you in any capacity, Sir.”

  “Good, because I need to take my belt to your ass. You’ve managed to haunt my every waking and sleeping moment since I met you. You’re a dangerous distraction, Brian.”

  “Whatever,” Brian said sarcastically.

  “No, I mean it. I. Want. You. Again and again and again. I can’t stop thinking about you. So after tonight, once we’re back down that mountain, I want to take you to my cabin and keep you there for a few days. What do you think about that?”

  Brian smiled. “Will rope be involved?”

  Hawk didn’t have time to hide his surprise. “If you want.”

  “I think I’d really like to be tied up and helpless in your cabin. You can do whatever you want to me.”

  Hawk laughed. “You might regret saying that.”

  “I won’t. I trust you. Besides, I’m going to demand equal time. I’d really like to see you bound in my ropes.”

  Hawk shuddered. He hadn’t really expected this game, but he wasn’t sure he could keep turning down Brian’s desires. He growled and slid his hands down the back of Brian’s jeans. He’d clearly lost a lot of weight recently, but he wasn’t complaining because the loose fit allowed him to grab Brian’s hot ass and squeeze. He felt Brian’s flinch. “I told you I’m not a switch.”

  “You’d be fully in charge, Sir.”

  His answer made Hawk pause. “Tell me more.”

  “Command me to bind you, critique my knots, and challenge me to balance your pleasure and pain.””

  BRIAN STILLED BENEATH Hawk’s penetrating gaze and lowered his to the man’s hands. He unbuckled his belt and jerked it free of the loops.”

  He swallowed hard. “The woman in the front might hear.”

  “Guess you should be very, very quiet.” Hawk spun him around to face the dressing-room mirror and bent him double.

  Brian pushed his hands against a built-in bench to keep from falling farther forward. He didn’t like looking himself in the face, so he focused on the mirror’s reflection of the man behind him. He’d never been as physically attracted to any man as much as he was to Tobias Red Hawk. He lifted the belt, his hand wrapped around the buckle, leather bent double. “Ten for sass, and another ten for failure to address me correctly. Will you accept my discipline?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Brian watched the blur of leather, heard the loud crack, then felt the sear of fire slicing through him. Holy Mother of God. He waited for the searing flame to level out and sink deeper into his flesh, but before it could do so another strike landed. Pain, sharp, crisp, deep. Maybe admitting he had masochistic tendencies was a really bad idea? No, I need this! I’ve needed this for months. Years.

  He focused on the sound of leather meeting flesh without let-up. Crack, crack, crack. A familiar ache inside him blossomed, spiking and dropping to the same rhythm as his throbbing ass. He knew it would be bright red and striped with a deeper shade of scarlet in places. He was just experienced enough to realize this punishment was going to leave him marked and sitting tenderly for a few days.

  The last two strokes fell over his sit spots, making him bite his own bicep to keep from crying out. The sound of the leather belt dropping onto the bench, jerked him out of his tightly curled inward concentration. Catching his reflection, he realized his face was wet with spilled tears. It was a shock, seeing them. He hadn’t cried at all for his twin and his brother. He’d been too filled with the pain of betrayal. He’d felt many emotions over the months but sorrow hadn’t been one of them. Anger, resentment, denial.

  Now is not time for the nervous breakdown I’ve been putting off since Brandon and Michael died!

  Hawk folded around him, hugging him tight. He kissed his temple. “Shh, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

  Brian gasped, “Please.”

  “Please, fuck you now? Or please beat you more and help you express the pain trapped inside you?”

  “Fuck me, Sir.”

  “This time, because I really need to fuck you hard, but I will help you confront your demons when we have the time and luxury of a sound proof playroom.”

  “You have a—?” Brian’s question died on his lips, seeing Hawk was unbuttoning his own jeans and freeing his cock. He stroked his own length without shyness and his stiff cock jerked against his fingers. Their gazes caught in the looking glass as Hawk dropped to his knees, then ran his hands up and down the fronts of Brian’s thighs. Hawk separated ass cheeks and pushed his face between the mounds of flesh. Brian felt the flick of Hawk’s tongue against his anus.

  “Oh God.”

  Hawk kept licking, lubing him with his saliva and tongue before adding his finger. Brian reveled in the differences in sensation. Slick, wet tongue. Slick, wet finger. Tongue. Finger. Tongue. Finger.

  Finger. Finger. Fingers. Stretching. Brian opened his eyes, looked at his reflection as Hawk tongued and finger-fucked his ass. His hips were bucking when the man finally stopped and stood. He tried to stand steady but his hips moved in an unstoppable rhythm.

  Brian knew he needed one thing—to be fucked by Tobias Red Hawk—and it had nothing to do with a fetish. Now. Here in the dressing room. He watched as Hawk tore open a condom wrapper and slid the lubed latex in place. Their gazes caught a second time in the mirror as Hawk pressed the cool, damp tip against his asshole. He pressed only a little, giving Brian’s body time to accept the intrusion and Brian appreciated the gesture.

  He tensed, gasping, when Hawk stopped and backed away. He was riding the edge of the precipice. He moaned with need.

  “Patience Just Brian.” Hawk tore open a condom and slid it over Brian’s cock. For a second the action confused him, but Hawk cleared it up. “Public place and I don’t feel like cleaning your jism off the mirror and bench.”

  “Good point, Sir.”

  Hawk grabbed his hips and held him, not taking his gaze away for a second as he entered Brian’s asshole slowly. Meeting resistance he whispered, “Relax.”

  Brian released the breath he’d been holding.

  Hawk leaned into him and kissed his cheek. He ran his hands over his chest, catching and pinching his nipples. Brian moaned, letting him know he was still tender from the clothespin play the night before. “Tell me you want this—what’s happening between us—to continue.”

  “Yes, Sir. I want to continue. For as long as you wish it, I long to serve you.”

  Hawk slid his hands lower to find Brian erect and throbbing. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

  God, yes. “Fuck me.”

  Hawk pulled his hips back hard and fast, sinking deep, stretching him in every direction. Brian forced himself to not cry out. It wasn’t painful, or at least not a lot of pain. It was heaven. Pure and simple. He’d never felt so filled, so opened, so connected to anyone in his entire life as he held Brian’s gaze and let the man fuck him eight ways to Sunday in that small dressing room.

  After his third deep anal orgasm, Hawk grabbed Brian’s chin and forced his face around to kiss him roughly. Teeth and tongues unable to get enough of each other. Brian cursed into his mouth, the pleasure too great, his need building too fast.

  Hawk whispered into his open mouth, “That’s right. Give it to me. Take all of me and give me that orgasm.”

  “All of you, Sir, god I’m so close!”

  Hawk thrust deeper, setting up a rhythm of slamming into his ass and kissing him possessively. “You like this? Hard. Fast. Deep?”

  “Yes, god yes, Sir.”

  Hawk commanded, “Come for me, Just Brian.”

  Brian reached with his lips but Hawk shook his head and held his gaze, reminding, “Come for me now.”

  Brian didn’t make him wait, his warm cream jetting out and filling the condom. Hawk held Brian�
��s gaze, watching as bliss washed over his face. Only then did Hawk take his own release, following three more savage thrusts. Brian thought he’d heard him whisper, “Mine,” as he collapsed against his back spent, but just as quickly convinced himself he was hearing words he wanted to hear.

  They were both breathing hard as they hurriedly fixed their clothing and gathered up the warm clothing for purchase without trying any of it on. Hawk started laughing, and Brian joined him.

  He asked, “Ever done it in a changing room before?”

  Hawk shook his head. “Nope. That was a first.”

  Brian winked. “Can I admit that I hope it’s the first of many new experiences between us?”

  Hawk didn’t answer and a shadow crossed his face as he quickly glanced away. Brian wrapped his hand around his jaw and forced him to look at him. “So, that’s it?”

  In answer, Hawk fled the room, taking the items to be purchased with him and leaving Brian to finish cleaning up. Stunned, Brian didn’t know what to think. Hawk was so hot then cold.

  It seemed to take forever for the girl to check them out.

  HAWK WANTED TO be alone with Brian. He wanted him. Again. Now.

  He’d never felt so out of control.

  When they finally stepped out into the cool night air, a light fog was filling the valley. The streetlights had golden halos and the glow refracted off the snow, sparking like diamonds. When they reached the diner, Brian grabbed Hawk’s hand and pulled him into the alley between two buildings. He pushed him against a brick wall, and wrapped his fingers into Hawk’s hair so that he couldn’t pull away from his mouth. “What the fuck, Hawk?”

  Hawk felt Brian’s confusion when he kissed him back with equal fervor and used momentum to reverse their roles with Brian’s back to the wall and Hawk becoming the aggressor.

  “I can’t get enough of you and that pisses me the fuck off.” Hawk crushed his mouth, licking, biting, and sucking. Their teeth clashing. Steam from their warm breath on the cooler air puffed out around their faces. Hawk tasted blood but wasn’t certain whether it was his own or Brian’s, and any worry as to the damage they were inflicting on each other was lost in the intensity of another kiss.