Survival Instinct: Brian Book One (Van Zant Siblings 1) Read online

  Eventually, Hawk pulled away. “If we keep this up, I’ll be taking you home with me, and I really need some shut-eye before I climb that mountain again.”

  “So, what? Now we’re in the shadows again and you feel safe not getting caught?”

  Hawk ignored his anger. He wasn’t ready for this fight. He wasn’t ready to be the gay man in town after Brian disappeared just like Erik had. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think about his suspicions that he was the one that opened his legacy up to plunder when he befriended his sexy as fuck client. “We’re taking the rougher route. We’ll need ice axes, rope, and every ounce of energy we can manage.”

  Brian pulled him to him and kissed Hawk’s cheek lightly. “I understand that exposing yourself and coming out of the closet is going to be hard, but I will not be anyone’s dirty little secret.”

  Hawk swallowed, understanding what Brian was saying with complete clarity. If he wanted to keep fucking Brian, he’d have to be open about their relationship in public. He shook his head, not committing, again ignoring and avoiding. Why did he ever agree to him being on the op? He was going to be a serious distraction and for the safety of the team Hawk couldn’t allow that.

  Factor in Brian’s inexperience and his place on the team made him a liability.

  Hawk exhaled heavily, realizing what he was doing and why. He was mentally preparing to walk away. Asking the sheriff to leave Brian behind would fracture any chance at a relationship. He didn’t know for sure if Brian would be a help or a hindrance, but something in the man’s eyes told him if it came down to it, he’d fight. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to make the climb. It’s going to be dangerous and you’re a civilian with no stake in this town.”

  Brian narrowed his gaze and Hawk had never felt so judged in his entire life. With a headshake and small chuckle that let Hawk know just how unamused he was, Brian repeated, “No stake in this town. I got’cha. Consider my interest purely selfish. I’m going up that mountain as a professional, scoping out a possible dig.”

  “Possible dig? No fucking way. If we find anything, you can take pictures, you can take notes, but not a single thing will be touched or removed and the cave will be resealed. Understood?”

  Brian exhaled a sound that sounded even unhappier than the moment before. “I understand everything quite clearly.”

  Hawk could feel waves of anger and possibly resentment coming off Brian and decided cutting everything off now, clean break before either of them got hurt, was for the best. Brian had drawn a line in the sand with his demand to be seen as a couple and Hawk couldn’t do it. “Good. Be ready to leave three hours before dawn. I’ll meet you in Sarah’s dining room.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Hawk nodded to the exterior stair that led upstairs to the rooms Brian was using. “Go on up and I’ll see you in the morning.”

  He didn’t have to tell Brian twice. He took the stairs two at a time. As he disappeared inside, Hawk commanded, “Dress warm. I don’t want to have to save your life again, tourist.”

  His answer was a closed door. God, I am such an ass.

  HAWK WAITED in the shadows until Brian disappeared through the doorway, then used the rear entrance that led directly into the kitchen. Shadow was waiting just inside the door.

  “Next time the dog goes too. She’s done nothing but whine ever since you forgot her,” Dodd called from the counter.

  Hawk met the man’s gaze through the open window space between the front of the establishment and the kitchen. From the wired look about the man, he believed he must be on his two hundredth cup of coffee by now.

  “I didn’t forget her.” Hawk bent over and scratched Shadow behind her ears.

  “Mmm-hmm, I hear ya,” the sheriff muttered.

  Am I so transparent? When Hawk again straightened, he saw that Dodd was already on the move. “So what’s up? Shouldn’t you be at your cabin with your feet kicked up by now?”

  The sheriff joined him in the kitchen. “The helicopter was back. Silent as an owl in pursuit. If I hadn’t been scanning the ridge, I’d have never seen it swoop in. I don’t like it.”

  “For better or worse, by this time tomorrow we will have the answers.”

  “Yeah, about that. I’ve been sitting here stewing since you stepped outside. I think I should call in some bigger guns.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know, FBI? DEA?”

  “This isn’t about drugs.”

  “Alright, then FBI.”

  “At least let me and the guys in for some reconnaissance. See if it’s worth getting feds involved.” Hawk patted his leg. “Ready to go home, girl?”

  Holding open the door, he led Shadow out, not believing he’d forgotten his dog and left her at Sarah’s. Brian was definitely occupying too much of his brain space. Jeez.

  Climbing into his Range Rover, Shadow followed him in and settled on the backseat. Hawk pulled out of his parking space onto the main road. As he drove, he hit Speed Dial on his cell phone to call his grandfather. “Tell me about the mountain.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “I want to know why it’s special. I want to know what’s up there that men are going to a lot of trouble to keep their exploration up there secret. Why are you so worried about men trespassing there?”

  “There are secrets that must not ever be discovered. Do you remember the stories I told you as a child?”

  “Secrets? Stories?” Hawk thought back to the mountain hikes he used to take with his grandfather, remembering the way the sun had warmed his back had made sweat trickle down his neck. God, how he’d used to complain. He didn’t know how the old man scrambled over the rock faces. He’d been young and in good shape but could barely keep up as his grandfather talked incessantly. “Our ancestors hung their memories in the clouds, and hid their most sacred possessions in the stone.” He’d thought the old man was crazy then, and that had been three decades earlier. Remembering, Hawk started wondering about the value of what might be hidden.

  Chapter Eight

  ♥

  Brian’s head was reeling and his balls ached as he raced up the stairs, wanting to go back down with every step he took away from the infuriating man. He knew he couldn’t go back, Hawk wasn’t ready to be pressured and it was never right to try to force someone out of the closet until they were ready.

  If he didn’t want to trigger Hawk’s fight or flight response, he’d have to be patient. Forming a relationship with Hawk and all thoughts of a sexual nature, including dwelling on how fucking hot the man was naked, were going to have to take a backseat for a while. Besides, Hawk was right about one thing, the climb they faced was going to require all of their strength, energy, and focus. Stomping snow off his boots at the upstairs back entrance, he closed his eyes, not wanting to overthink what had just happened—

  Should he stay awhile was no longer the question, but rather how long he’d he stay in the hopes Hawk would become comfortable enough to change his mind? Funny thing, leaving Cincinnati he’d believed he’d never be ready for another relationship after losing Michael…and Brandon. Now look at him.

  The smart thing to do would be to leave town with his heart still intact, but whatever was happening between him and Hawk he couldn’t give up. Not yet. It was crazy insane, but he felt like he was supposed to be here. In this place. In this moment. With Hawk.

  Why? He certainly wasn’t a believer in predestination.

  Stepping out of his boots, he tiptoed across the wood floor to his bedroom without anyone noticing. He could hear Sarah in the kitchen banging pots and pans, and immediately felt guilty because he wasn’t down there helping her clean up after the rush. She was letting him use the upstairs bedroom for free, after all. It wasn’t that he was trying to be unsociable; he just needed time to think. Alone. He rubbed his tender ass. He hated to admit that he’d only started toward Seattle to prove he could.

  With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the bed, dropped his purchases
on the ground, and lay back. Unconsciously he rubbed his dick through his jeans, thinking about the way it had felt to have Hawk bent over his flaming bottom and using his ass. So good. So damn good.

  “I have got to stop thinking about this.” He pulled the bedside phone onto the bed and Jenks’s business card from his jeans pocket. The phone was attached to the wall by a cord, and the receiver was attached to the main housing by a curly line. He reminded himself he might want to go ahead and order a new cell phone as he dialed the after-hours number. “Hey, Matthew. This is Brian. I wanted to give you the go-ahead on the Jeep. Whatever it takes to fix it. Do I need to bring you a deposit down in the morning to get things started?”

  Jenks told him he’d start ordering parts if he could bring down half of the estimate in the next day or so.

  “I can do that.”

  Brian housed the receiver and relaxed. That decision wasn’t nearly as hard as he’d thought it would be. Smiling, he told the empty room, “I guess I’m staying awhile.”

  He lifted the phone back to his ear and dialed his parents’ house number. His mother answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  “Brian? Oh my God.” She yelled, “Martin! It’s Brian!”

  His father picked up the extension. “Where are you? Are you alright? Why aren’t you answering call or texts?”

  He wasn’t sure he wanted to give them the whole story but, hearing their worry, figured he owed it to them. “I’m fine now. I had a little accident, got stranded in a blizzard, and was treated for hypothermia.”

  “Oh, Brian. Why didn’t the hospital call us?” His mother sounded devastated.

  “A blizzard? Where in the hell are you?” his father interrupted. “Do you need us to come and get you?”

  “No, no. Everything’s fine. I’m staying at a little B and B in Montana while I wait for the Jeep to get repaired.”

  “Montana?” his mother asked shrilly. “What are you doing in Montana?”

  “Actually, I’m doing some consulting work, checking out a site to see if it’s a viable dig.”

  “Oh, Brian! That sounds wonderful.”

  He was glad he’d stretched the truth a bit when he heard the relief in his mother’s voice.

  “Son, do you need anything?” his dad asked. “If you give the mechanic our number I can give them my card number and take care of the repairs for you.”

  “No, sir. I’ve got this. I just realized I haven’t called. With the accident, the blizzard causing power to be down, and being laid up for a few days recovering, time just got away from me.”

  “Understandable,” his father replied. “We’re just relieved you checked in.”

  “You missed Alex and Alexandra’s birthday party,” his mother complained, then added, “But then so did Alexandra. I just don’t know what has gotten into you kids. You used to be so supportive of each other.”

  Brian sighed, hearing the beginnings of a long family values lecture coming on. He tried to abruptly switch direction, demanding, “What do you mean? Alexandra missed her own party?”

  His mother’s soft sobs came over the line. Oh shit.

  “She’s AWOL again? Missing? Is she off her meds?”

  So my mother had no idea where two of her children were for the last week or so, and a third son is dead. “I should have called sooner, Mamaí. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  “You’re a good boy, Brian,” she assured him but he could tell emotion was still choking her.

  “Before I forget, I lost my cell phone. I’ll arrange for a new phone to be delivered here by my provider as soon as possible.” He considered telling them about Hawk and just as quickly decided against it. Just the thought of saying I met someone made his heart leap into his throat and pound like crazy. It was too soon to admit to himself he might be feeling anything other than raw lust, let alone admit such a thing to anyone else. He pressed his lips together and listened to his mom’s voice. She told him about the twins’ birthday party and how many of his siblings actually made it into town, his sister Jessica’s promotion at work, and the story about how his nephew, Nathaniel, had fallen face-first off his tricycle and chipped a tooth.

  In the background he heard Jake’s hoot and the soft dribble of a basketball. Some things never changed. In that moment he realized how stagnant his life had become in Cincinnati and how many concessions he’d made for his marriage. How long had it been since he’d actually been on a dig?

  He heart seized up and his hand flew to his chest. It’s not a heart attack. Breathe deeply. I am not giving in to this panic. Facing the truth was hard. His ED had been blamed on his need for kink, but he’d been more stressed out over not enjoying the work he was doing than sex. He’d studied the fields he had to avail him travel and adventure. He’d ended up working at the Cincinnati Natural History Museum as a curator, cataloguing and displaying the archeological and artistic finds of others because Michael didn’t want him on the road for long stretches of time—and after a few years he’d resented giving up so much of himself. The truth almost crushed him and he hurriedly got off the phone and told himself it was good he was moving on.

  So why does the hole in my heart feel bigger?

  Rolling onto his side, he decided to ask Sarah if he could rent the room until his Jeep was repaired. Tomorrow. After he took a little nap. It was still hours before he’d need to get ready to meet Hawk and the deputies for the climb up the mountain.

  ♥

  A loud knock at the door woke Hawk from a deep sleep. He imagined he’d overslept and the sheriff’s deputies had driven out to get him, but as he approached the front door he saw a familiar profile lit by the porch light. His heart tripled its pace. Erik.

  He paused midstride, remembering the accents he’d heard on the mountain. Now Erik was here again. It wasn’t a coincidence. The hair prickling the back of his neck warned him he was in danger, but he opened the door to the man who could give him the answers he needed. “Erik?”

  Erik barreled into him, then wrapped him in a tight bear hug. “I know, I should have called, but I wanted to surprise you.”

  Shadow raced out the door. She’d never liked Erik, so Hawk wasn’t terribly surprised by her reaction. Stepping back, Hawk tried to sound like he was just a clueless park ranger. “I’m surprised you’re here. After you dropped out of sight, I thought I’d never see you again.”

  Erik sighed, looking repentant. “I didn’t handle my leaving very well. I’m sorry. I’ve just never been very good at saying good-bye and I had no idea when I’d be able to return. It seemed like a good idea to make a clean break.”

  “You can’t just pop in and out of my life like this. You haven’t called, or text. You haven’t answered a single call, text, or email.”

  “You’re angry. I should go. I really should have called first.” He stepped nearer. “I’ve missed you.”

  Hawk felt something like fire ripping through his gut. “I have to be honest, Erik. Your timing couldn’t be worse. I was just getting ready to leave. I have to work tonight.”

  “Call in sick. You look like you just crawled out of bed. If you like, I could crawl back into your soft, warm bed with you.” He stepped into Hawk and wrapped his arms around him, angling his mouth to kiss him.

  Hawk stopped him by turning his face, causing Erik’s lips grazed his cheek. “I can’t.”

  “You really have to work? You’re not just brushing me off because you’re angry?” Erik pouted, but the expression rang false. The fire in Hawk’s belly grew brighter. It was a warning. He tried to pull away but Erik kept him in a tight embrace.

  “It’s no coincidence you’re here tonight is it, Erik?”

  His lips twitched. “When I first met you, I knew you were too smart. I knew you were going to be a problem. Eventually. When my men reported seeing you on the mountain earlier, I wanted to believe it was a coincidence, because I really have missed you. You’re quite a good fuck.”

  Hawk swallowed, b
ut it hurt like he was swallowing gravel.

  “It isn’t too late. Maybe we can work something out?”

  “You want me to turn my head while you steal the history of my ancestors to take back to your country?”

  “Ah, so you’ve already seen inside the cavern. I’d hoped you hadn’t. It’s easier to give away what you’ve never made an attachment to.”

  Hawk hadn’t seen inside the cave but decided Erik didn’t need to know that.

  “Regrettably, I knew you would never cooperate. You’re too much of a Boy Scout, aren’t you, Mr. Park Ranger? Too honest.” He said that like it was a bad thing just before Hawk saw stars.

  ♥

  Screaming pain in his head was the first noticeable indication he was still alive. Struggling against ropes holding his shoulders and legs tightly to a wooden chair, he wasn’t sure how long he would stay that way. He’d been an idiot letting Erik get close enough to him to have the upper hand. He hadn’t even seen what he’d struck him over the back of the head with, but imagined it had to have been a gun. Opening his eyes to the glaring light of the room he asked, “So what now?”

  Erik scratched his jaw. “I have a cave to plunder.”

  “You can’t!”

  “Are you worried about the artifacts? I assure you every piece will be very well taken care of. There will be a huge museum display. This will be a very important exhibit.”

  “Why? Why would a museum in Sweden want Native American artifacts?”

  Eric laughed at him, and it sounded condescending, like he was finding humor with a small child not savvy in the ways of the world. “Does your Smithsonian not have a Viking display? Cowboys and Indians are very popular right now. Very hot. I’ll get a big fee for this delivery.”

  “I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to allow you to make that delivery.” Brave words for a man tied to a chair, Hawk decided a moment after the words were out of his mouth.