Survival Instinct: Brian Book One (Van Zant Siblings 1) Read online

  “Did you change your mind, Just Brian?” Hawk asked, softly. “It’s okay if you did.”

  Brian let out the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and shook his head. Wait! That was my out. Why didn’t I say I changed my mind?

  Hawk smiled and lowered his head, rewarding Brian with another languid kiss. He assured Brian softly, “I’m glad, because I think we’re both going to enjoy this.”

  Brian swallowed, realizing with sudden clarity that that was his fear…and his guilt. He might enjoy Hawk a lot. If the man fucked as well as he kissed—

  It seemed wrong. His husband only dead a few months, and already he was moving on. He was finding pleasure in another man’s arms. He held back a sob, trying to not completely freak out.

  “I want you, Just Brian,” he said softly, sensually, seeming to restrain feral need. “But if you’re not ready, I’ll be just as happy just sleeping beside you tonight.”

  God, he’s a gentleman too. Brian’s insides quaked in response. Meeting Hawk’s gaze, he felt the color rise in his cheeks. “I haven’t changed my mind. Please top me.”

  Hawk assured him. “This is going to be okay. You are going to be okay. Trust me?”

  “I do trust you.”

  Capturing his gaze, Hawk caressed Brian’s cheek. Brian somehow knew Hawk was giving him time to back out if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to. Brian pressed his hand to the center of Hawk’s chest. It was his first active participation since coming to the bed. Hawk’s skin was warm, silken, and he thought he could feel the fast thud of Hawk’s heart beneath his fingertips. Was it possible he was nervous too?

  “Will you submit to me?” Hawk asked, making Brian doubt what he’d assumed was a given. Was he asking for permission?

  Yes. Yes. Fuck me senseless. Make me forget. Everything.

  Hawk’s breath felt warm over his skin, making every nerve more aware. “Or is that the part you’re struggling with?”

  “I long to submit again—to you—this is only hard because I haven’t been with anyone since—”

  Hawk pressed his fingers to Brian’s lips. “I understand. I’ll go slowly. Your safeword is red. If this becomes too overwhelming, you will use it.”

  “I don’t want to use my safeword, Sir. I need this. I need to feel”—desirable, wanted, attractive—“I need to feel something other than sadness. I need to feel alive again.”

  Hawk moved farther onto the bed, and as he inched closer, Brian became conscious of his thudding heart, his aching skin. He was desperate for this. He longed to be touched, stroked, kissed…everywhere. But he hoped Hawk didn’t expect him to verbally direct because he couldn’t ask—not yet, this man wasn’t Michael—instead he waited to see what Hawk had in mind.

  Hawk stretched out beside Brian, smoothing his hand over his pecs and abs. His hand slid lower to find him only semi-erect. Embarrassed, Brian flushed, but the fact didn’t seem to slow Hawk’s exploration. He moved his hand lower, cupping Brian’s balls. Stroking them, squeezing them. Hard, harder.

  “Fuck!” Brian groaned.

  Hawk’s fingers slid lower, teasing the flat, smooth skin of his perineum. Brian’s heart sped up and his penis stiffened, definitely interested.

  Hawk’s hand moved to his groin, stroking the smooth, hairless plane between torso and leg. It tickled and Brian tried very hard to not react, but Hawk only arched a brow before moving onward. Hawk rubbed his fingers through the fine blond hair covering his thighs. “You’re hairier than I am, Just Brian. I like it.”

  Raw need shot up Brian’s spine and his erection jerked, needy, ready.

  Hawk chuckled, his hand returning to Brian’s shaft. He squeezed his stiff length. “Don’t get in a hurry. I want you to enjoy this and we have all night.”

  Brian squirmed, his hips bucking. “I don’t want to wait.”

  “Are you always in such a hurry?”

  “Not always,” Brian admitted, reaching for Hawk. “I just really want to get to the main event.”

  A glint of darkness flickered through Hawk’s brown eyes. He caught Brian’s wrists before he made contact and lifted his arms above his head. “Afraid you’re going to chicken out if we go slowly?”

  “No,” he lied.

  “Nuh-uh-uh, you have to be honest for both our sakes.” Hawk revealed two lengths of rope as he challenged, “You want me to rush this, to overwhelm you with passion so you don’t have to think about what you’re doing. I want you to face who you are with and what you are doing.”

  “My eyes are wide open. I want to be with you, Tobias Red Hawk. I want you to dominate me.”

  “Good. I’ll warn you now. I really like foreplay. I want to find out what does it for you, Just Brian. What makes your blood boil?” Hawk looped one of the lengths of rope around his wrist, carefully forming cuffs and binding his wrists together in front of him. “What will it will take to make you scream like a girl?”

  Brian forgot how to breathe again. His asshole clenched. “You’re trying to frighten me?”

  “Not at all.” Hawk looked down at him with intensity, and Brian forced himself not to jerk against the restraints.

  Hawk focused on his nipples, torturing them with feather soft circles, pinches, and pulls. He twisted both of Brian’s nipples hard, making Brian suck in a breath. He attached one of the clothespins to Brian’s left nipple and Brian couldn’t silence his moan. Hawk smiled, apparently enjoying his reactions. He twisted Brian’s right nipple harder, pulling it to a stiff peak before attaching the makeshift nipple clamp. Brian didn’t make a sound. Closing his eyes, Brian relaxed under Hawk’s fingers.

  He whispered, “Do you ever scream, Hawk?”

  Hawk laughed at him. “I’ve growled, maybe howled. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who could make me scream like a girl.”

  Brian offered, “Maybe I can be that someone sometime?”

  Emotion crossed Hawk’s face, toughness or challenge. “Not gonna happen, I will reward that smart mouth of yours with a lesson in patience.”

  “P-patience?”

  Hawk winked. “Maybe a little pain.”

  “Pain?”

  “Repeat me again and I’ll add a ball gag.” Brian gulped and pressed his lips tightly together. “I don’t have a full kit here, but I do have a few more adult toys to make our first session more interesting.”

  Brian’s gaze flew to the satchel. He really hated any type of muzzle.

  Hawk motioned for him to stand up. “You want to see what I brought?”

  Brian nodded.

  Smiling, Hawk grabbed the small cloth bag and wiggled open the cord closure, watching Brian intently for reaction. He held the open sack to him. “Reach in and take out one thing without looking.”

  Brian smirked and reached, both hands moving together. It was awkward but he grabbed the first thing he bumped. It felt like rubber, and too elongated to be a ball gag. Frowning, he lifted it out and gasped.

  Hawk chuckled. “Do you know what it is?”

  Biting his bottom lip. “Cock ring and…umm.”

  “Silicone prostate stimulator, a butt plug with some zing, and the cock ring fits around shaft and testicles.”

  “Huh.”

  Brian watched him squat and carefully fit the stretching rings snug against his body, then the cold ooze of lube slid down his crack before Hawk duck walked around him. He smeared his asshole and pushed in the tip of his finger. In. Out. Slowly. So fucking slowly, Brian wanted to scream and cry and cuss, not because it hurt, but because it felt so damn good. finger fucked him slowly.

  Hawk added a second finger to stretch him slowly and Brian couldn’t pull his gaze away as Hawk worked him so slowly. He felt his fingers slide out, but Hawk quickly replaced his fingers with the solid penetrator.

  Oh god. Brian felt more precum dribble down his cock. Hawk bent forward and licked it up. He and just that almost did him in. “I’m going to come.”

  “No, you won’t.” Hawk move
d back around him and licked his way up Brian’s frenulum. He rolled his eyes up to meet Brian’s gaze

  “I won’t?”

  “Not without permission, Brian.”

  “Permission?” Brian repeated and his cock got even harder. It was only when Hawk stood abruptly that he realized what he’d done. Why am I repeating him like a damn parrot?

  “TURN AND BEND over the mattress, Brian. I warned you, but instead of a gag, I’m going to thrash you. I think it’s time you scream for me.”

  Hawk waited for Brian to comply then drew his wrists toward the spindles of the old, wrought iron headboard did as he was told, then retrieved his jeans from where he’d left them folded on a chair. He pulled a belt from his jean loops and he was surprised how excited he was. It had been a while since he’d actually taken leather to someone’s ass and he was. “You have a safeword. What is it?”

  “Red, Sir.”

  “Good. Since we haven’t scened together before, I’m expecting you to use it if you need to.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  From bottoming for a dominant when he was first learning, he knew that the thud of the belt against Brian’s ass would reverberate through the plug, adding to the intensity. “Don’t you dare rub yourself on the mattress. Keep a gap.”

  Brian made a soft whine and Hawk smiled, betting he was already riding the edge. Holding the buckle, Hawk doubled over the leather and took his time, moving into position, the anticipation as much for him as for his submissive. The discovery Brian had previously engaged in the lifestyle had really amped up the amount of sexual tension between them. Yes, playing with Brian was going to be fun. Hawk started out with a series of soft thuddy strikes and only after his ass was a pleasing shade of pink did he put any intensity behind the strokes.

  Slap. The first solid blow left a nice long strip covering the center of both cheeks. Brian remained silent but he shuddered from shoulders to hips. “Doing okay, Just Brian?”

  “Yes, Sir. Very good. More please.”

  “Don’t worry, we’re just getting started.”

  “I can take harder, Sir. I’m not fragile.”

  Hawk reached over him and grabbed his short hair, giving his scalp a warming little sting and lifting Brian’s head enough to make eye contact. “Who decides how much punishment and intensity, Brian?”

  “You do, Sir.”

  Slap, slap. Hawk landed two hard stripes in quick succession. “Did your last Dom allow you to top from the bottom, Brian?”

  Hawk watched Brian’s Adam’s apple bob. He admitted, “Probably a little, Sir. We were both new, learning together.”

  “Do you think I’m a man that allows a submissive to top from the bottom?”

  “No, Sir.”

  Hawk released his hold on Brian’s hair. “I’m glad you understand, because I won’t tolerate it and punishment will be swift every time it happens.”

  Slap, slap, slap. Three wicked strikes fell, leaving behind bright red welts. These Brian would feel for a day or two, but Hawk’s intension was to make a point. Brian turned his face and bit a pillow to stifle the moans.

  “No hiding Brian. If I make you moan, or groan, or scream, I want to hear it. Make some noise for me.” Hawk moved into the punishment face and thrashed him passionately. He focused mainly on the flesh parts of Brian’s bottom but purposely landed several across his sit spots and Brian moaned but didn’t scream or cry.

  The last strike was especially punishing and the sound he made was close enough to a scream for Hawk’s satisfaction. He dropped the belt to the ground and the buckle clanged against the wood floor. Brian sagged with relief.

  Hawk leaned over the bed to rest his head next to Brian’s. His aching cock brushed against the bed as he met Brian’s gaze. He rubbed his hand over Brian’s red and well-marked ass cheeks. “You took my leather well, Just Brian. I am very pleased with you.”

  Through gritted teeth, Brian admitted, “I’m so close. Please, Sir.”

  Hawk pinch on of the raised welts to help push back his need. “Just a little longer and I’ll give you some relief. Let’s get you centered on the bed.”

  He detached Brian’s restraints long enough for him to stretch out, then reattached the rope to the rung. Leaning over him, he licked around Brian’s clamped left nipple before knocking the clothespin free. Brian screamed and Hawk pinched the angry red nub, rubbing out the pain before laving it and sucking well. He gave the right nipple the same treatment, counting down, “Three, two, one,” before releasing the clothespin. Again Brian screamed but it wasn’t as shocked a sound.

  Enjoying licking and sucking the tender nub, Hawk was both pleased and disappointed when Brian started begging in earnest. “Please, please, please. Need to come. Need—”

  Creamy, white semen spurted from his hard cock and landed on Brian’s stomach. “I’m sorry, Sir. So sorry.”

  Hawk released the nipple he’d been enjoying and covered his mouth. The kiss was hard and passionate. When he lifted and met Brian’s gaze, he saw fire and raw need. “Stay. I’ll be right back.”

  Hawk went into the bathroom to get a warm washcloth and returned to wipe up Brian’s spilled seed. He removed the prostrate stimulator and rings, then washed his cock and balls.

  HAWK SPREAD BRIAN’S legs apart and crawled onto the bed to kneel between Brian’s thighs. He was pleased to see Brian’s cock was again growing hard. After the thorough bathing Hawk had given his genitals, Brian expected Hawk to go down and suck him. Instead, Hawk forced his knees to bend, then lifted Brian’s ankles onto his shoulders.

  Lying back against the pillows, his ankles supported by Hawk’s broad shoulders, Brian watched him tear open a foil packet and slide the condom over his shaft. He was nervous. Missionary wasn’t a position he’d ever done. He’d always been bent over something or on his hands and knees. He wasn’t sure how this was going to work or if he’d like it. Feeling the tip of Hawk’s penis press against his puckered rim, Brian realized he was about to find out.

  Brian tensed, but he didn’t look away. He knew he was breathing hard, knew the man hovering over him had probably guessed he was terrified, but he didn’t care. “God! Do it!”

  Hawk chuckled. “Patience, Just Brian. Relax. You’re tighter than a virgin.”

  Brian closed his eyes, feeling the flush of embarrassment and apologized, “Sorry, it’s—been a while.

  “Eyes on me, Just Brian.”

  It was so hard to obey, because face to face was so intimate, too familiar, but he managed it and was left looking deeply into Hawk’s eyes. He pushed into his tight asshole as slowly as he’d fingered him. “It wasn’t a complaint.”

  Brian moaned and dropped his head back, but jerked his head back up when he remembered the command for eye contact. “You’re so fucking thick.”

  “No whining” Hawk commanded, “You will take all of me.”

  Brian nodded. On his exhale, a hard thrust filled him completely. Nerve endings that hadn’t fired in what seemed like forever lit up. He growled. “God, Hawk.”

  “Too much?” He started easing back.

  “Not too much! I need—“

  His eyes crossed as Hawk thrust harder and deeper than he’d gone before and Brian didn’t look away. He knew they were sharing the experience of looking into each other’s soul and wondered what Hawk was seeing. He’d never been laid so bare. Brandon and Michael had left him so broken. His emotions were already so raw, so exposed—

  “Oh. God. Damn.”

  Hawk kept hold of his gaze, peering into him, as he withdrew almost his entire length then started again with the slow, steady push, the slow, intimate stretch.

  “Please, Sir.” Brian arched his neck and tipped his head back. “Fuck me, Hawk. Please fuck me.”

  “I am.”

  “Harder. Faster,” Brian begged.

  “Again?” Hawk demanded.

  Brian knew he was in trouble for topping from below, but he didn’t care. He’d take another thrashing if it meant being fuc
ked with some intensity.

  “You’re not very good at being a submissive Just Brian.”

  “I can do better, Sir.”

  “You’ll have your chance to do just that.” Hawk promised, his head dipped lower. He claimed Brian’s mouth, kissing him deeply. Brian closed his eyes in ecstasy as Hawk sucked his tongue and stroked the inside of his mouth while moving over him slowly, pushing deep, deeper. “Now, just so we’re clear, I don’t mind begging. I think I’d like very much to hear you beg for release. If I remember correctly, earlier you said, ‘After you call me Sir for an hour or so and beg me to let you come—‘”

  “Oh god, joking, I was joking, just trying to get dominance and submission into the conversation.”

  “Mmm-hmm. You could have just asked how I feel about power exchange relationships.”

  Brian squinted tighter, fighting against his impending orgasm. He would not, could not ejaculate a second time without permission!

  “I want you to see who is fucking your ass, keep your eyes open,” Hawk commanded firmly and Brian did. It was strange seeing his knees hooked over Hawk’s shoulders and pressed almost into his own chest. The man was so deep inside him, he could feel his erection throbbing deep within.

  Brian bucked his hips, and his penis slid between his abs and Hawk’s. His need built to a painful intensity. He knew he was going to come quickly. It was just too much need, too much sensation. He whispered, “Please, please,” knowing he was done for. “Please let me come, Sir.”

  “Come now, Just Brian. Come hard for me.”

  His shaft throbbed, his ass pulsed around Hawk’s dick, and his orgasm tore through him. “Ohh Gggoooodddd!”

  Hawk responded, pushed his body up, and thrusting harder and faster, forcing Brian’s orgasm to spiral higher and higher.

  “Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

  Hawk used him hard, riding him long enough that waves of orgasm crashed into him, through him, one becoming another. He screamed. He didn’t know if he was screaming like a girl, but he definitely screamed, and then he realized the man above him was growling. He was finding his own release.